whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
