I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
