I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
