Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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