and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
