please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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