What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
