is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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