Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
