i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
