I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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