I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
