You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I deserve this hangover.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
