HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I'm having to shit out rocks
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