I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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