Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My breasts were aching with rage.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
