you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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