Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
