So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
