I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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