I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
