if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
