I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
