I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
