Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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