My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
