KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
