we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
