I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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