He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
