I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
