as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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