we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
