the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
