Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
