I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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