My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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