apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
