Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
