he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
