We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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