you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
