New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
