I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
