If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
