i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
