we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
