This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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