did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
