I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
